The Different Stages of a Romantic Relationship

Romantic relationships can be both pleasant and challenging. These relationships often undergo a variety of stages and emotions, but there are a few patterns that tend to emerge. Each stage of a relationship can bring its own challenges, which results in different emotions, brain activity, neurochemicals, and more.

Neuroscientist Helen Fisher describes the early part of the relationship as a stage of euphoria. We might also call it infatuation. During this stage, the relationship is full of intense, positive emotions. The other person feels somewhat idealised, with their faults taking a back seat. There are intense thoughts about the other person, as they take central stage in one's mind and experiences. On a neurological level, people are less judgmental and less likely to come to a negative conclusion because of changes in the activity of the prefrontal cortex.

This is the early and exciting phase of intense attraction and fun, and for most people, it can last between six months to two years, although a few people can experience the same intensity for much longer in their relationship.

After this intense euphoria, the brain shifts to another mode that is characterized by high levels of dopamine. Dopamine is associated with the anticipation of a reward, of a pleasurable experience, and the person feels this pleasure in their relationship. There are also other neurochemicals that enter the game as well, such as oxytocin, which is tied to attachment. Here, the intensity becomes less prominent; however, positive emotions still prevail. The relationship gains more depth, and there is a greater awareness of the negatives, as the couple becomes better acquainted with one another.

In the third stage, however, there is a marked shift. After several years of a relationship, the couple usually faces a crisis. During this crisis, the partners begin to drift apart or experience a sense of discontent. The crisis often provides a trial for the relationship, which can lead to a breakup or a strengthening of the bond. If the crisis is overcome, the couple can move to the next stage and grow together, returning to each other and rekindling their commitment.

The fourth stage involves a deep attachment and a great deal of security. While the relationship might not have the same intense spark, it brings a lot of peace and serenity, as well as a powerful ability to deal with crises and work together. This deep attachment can be long-lasting and intensely satisfying. Even if it does not have the chemical rush of the early days, it allows people to create life-long commitments.

Does every relationship go through these stages? While most do, it's important to note that every couple is different. Some might find differences in how they experience and describe these phases. One can also consider toxic patterns, such as constant fights or abusive and manipulative behaviors on one or both sides, as factors that can also alter the experience. However, the stages of love provide a pattern for what to expect and a neurological basis for the different ways in which we experience romantic relationships.

The Humtastic Wellbeing Team

The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. We encourage seeking help from a practitioner. Visit humtastic.com